PC "noob" quotes

[Apokarteron]

I've heard lots of things that people that don't know anything about computers have said, here's one:
some people think computer viruses are contagious and if you put a CD/game in, it might catch a virus and pass it to another PC.

have you heard any?

 

[Xycron]

I swear to god something like that happened with my windows 95 CD....the CD got a virus on it... i had to keep reformating and reinstalling and as soon as i installed window's there was a virus...I had a 1x CDburner...i think somehow is managed to burn a virus in on the CD....which seems impossible to me.....what more likly happened is i got a copyed version that was being sold as retail, it was prabally burned on with a virus then i bought it, it had the normal cover thing on the front of the CD though, and not to many people had somethign that could do that back then.

 

[Geoff]

ya, here are a few:

Also how do I put a cpu onto my mobo, is it like a card that clips on?

I wanna get an AMD CPU, I've gottan Intel CPU, will I need to change mobo to put the AMD?

If I get a better power supply will my PC be faster?

I'l probably call computer support to tell me ho to OC...

Or that a GeForce 6200 512MB would be better than a GeForce 6600GT 128MB.

but thats like $500...

Can you even overclock a graphics card?

and when I overclock my gpu what will it increase?
Ram, Pixel Shaders?

do I have to install and update the Open GL driver like I do with Direct X?

I heard that I can use part of my HDD as RAM, is it possible?

Dont take any of this personally, lol

 

[Apokarteron]

Hahahaha, I forgot completely about all those, well you guys have been good PC tutors to me...

 

[Chris Chan]

Went to a computer sale yesterday, had a guy tell me a 512kb ATi ISA video card was better than a 4mb ATi AGP card, and that a 2mb Matrox AGP was worse than either. I ended up getting an 8mb SiS 6326 AGP.

 

[Apokarteron]

what is that? a GPU? ONLY with 8MB, that's ancient...

 

[Chris Chan]

I got it to upgrade an ancienter S3 ViRgE.

 

[Xycron]

You can use part of yoru hd as ram....Just crappy rappy slow virtual ram....

and 8MB video cards work fine for regualr computer users. I used to have ine on one of my older computers, then i upgraded it to a 16mb w00t.

 

[ceewi1]

A few to add to the list, all from people I know personally:

tech: This monitor has a zero dead pixel policy, which means if it has a dead pixel we'll replace it
noob: Oh, you'll replace the pixel?

(noob with an illegal copy of windows burnt to a Kodak CD-R):
"I didn't know Kodak made Windows!"

noob: "I can't get onto this website"
tech "What screen are you looking at now"
noob: "Well, it's a 17 inch"

Me (attempting to troubleshoot noobs problem over the phone): "OK, click on the Start button"
noob: "I don't have a start button"
Me: "Yes you do, it's in the corner of the screen and it says Start"
noob: "It's not there"
After 20mins of him failing to grasp the concept I proceed to drive to his house and click on the start button for him
noob: "Oh, THAT start button"
Me:

computer salesman in the late '90s "They'll never make processors above 700Mhz because there's nothing that could ever use that much power"

panicked user looking at a popup: "You've got to help me, it says my computer has spyware!!!"

(computer teacher trying to install a processor) "Where does this thing plug in" (looking at back of PC)
- then after someone explained how to do it, she attempted to plug in an internal modem into the back of the PC as well!

(same computer teacher) "If you can't fit all your photos on a floppy, just reduce their resolution. Then put them on the floppy, copy them to the computer you want it on and increase the resolution again. You'll have the same photos back"

Me: "Why do you have the same music playing all the time"
Same teacher: "I can't figure out how to change the CD"

And don't even let me get started on the compur tech who RMA'd the schools new printer because he couldn't figure out how to change the ink cartridge. When he couldn't figure out how to change ANY of the cartridges (and wouldn't admit his ignorance), the school had to make do with one printer, which was maintained by someone else. By the end of the year, the school only had 4 out of 30 laptops working, after which he was promptly fired.

Anyway, a lot of you've probably seen this, but here's a site devoted to this kind of stupidity: http://www.techtales.com/tftechs.html

 

[Chris Chan]

>>computer salesman in the late '90s "They'll never make processors above 700Mhz because there's nothing that could ever use that much power"
Similar to Bill Gates' quote about computers never needing >640k RAM. (;

 

[ceewi1]

>>computer salesman in the late '90s "They'll never make processors above 700Mhz because there's nothing that could ever use that much power"
Similar to Bill Gates' quote about computers never needing >640k RAM. (;

Yeh, and the chairman of IBM in the '40s saying “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”

You'd think they'd have learnt by now!

EDIT: I forgot about this one before. Again, from my high school days, same teacher.

I'm sure you all know that laptops ship with a plastic cover over the screen, to protect it during transport. Well, one student was leasing a laptop from the school. He was given it with the plastic cover still on the screen, and, naturally, removed it so that he could get to work. When he returned the laptop to the computer teacher, she was enraged. According to her, the plastic must never be removed from the screen, and the laptop would need to be returned to the manufacturer for repair. He was given a detention for "damaging school property". This only ended when the tech explained the situation!

 

[ZER0X]

These are two Computer illiterate things I've ever encountered ... and theres plenty more

Aunty"There was something wrong with my dvd burner, it only recently happened, this error keeped coming up when I was burning DVD's, I got friends who have XP Computers to look at it and they just assumed it was because of the DVD burner, so I went out and bought a new DVD burner but funny enough the message is still happening"

Me:"Can I have a look at the error?"
Aunty:"Sure"
Error Message="Not enough disk space"
Me:" :| "
_________________________________________________________________

Mum:"(calls me from other side of the house, While i'm playing online)"
(I enter the study)
Me:"Whats wrong"
Mum:"How do you change the size of the writing, its hard on my eyes"
Me:" :| "

 

[Verve]

Mum:"(calls me from other side of the house, While i'm playing online)"
(I enter the study)
Me:"Whats wrong"
Mum:"How do you change the size of the writing, its hard on my eyes"
Me:" :| "

Whats wrong with that?

 

[stalex111]

I wanna get an AMD CPU, I've gottan Intel CPU, will I need to change mobo to put the AMD?

Thats not necessarily a n00b thing, in case you didnt know (and i think you do, cuz your not a n00b) there is such thing as an Intel/AMD MoBo, and there is such thing as an Intel only or an AMD only MoBo so it depends what mobo hes got.

Sorry, Anyway, nice ones, i like the one about contacting comp service to know how to OC, lol.

 

[dragon2309]

i like the one about contacting comp service to know how to OC, lol.

I know overclocking is something kept for comuter enthusiasts, but everyone is going round talking like its illegal or something, yeh, the tech might laugh and then hangup but thats all.

 

[34erd]

That would suck if overclocking was ileagle...

It would turn into a black market like street racing lol

 

[Xycron]

That would suck if overclocking was ileagle...

It would turn into a black market like street racing lol

Prabally not, if it was illegal to bein with, most of us prabaly wouln't here of it. How many of you guys neevr heard of OCing before you went to forums or other wbsites

 

[burton_o6]

tech(me): click on tools
noob(customer): i dont see a tools
Tech: what do you see at the top of ie?
noob:i see file, edit, view, tools, help, back,forward...
tech: TOOLS!!!


noob(customer): everything is wrong with this internet service!!!
tech(me): so what is wrong with your internet???
noob: NOTHING!
tech:so your internet is working fine?
noob: YES!
tech:thank you and have a good night


noob: my cd burner does not work
tech:sir, i can only help you with internet issues
noob: but you are my internet service provider?


noob:hi, ive had internet for a year but i cant use it
tech(me): well, open up your internet explorer
noob: what is internet exlporer?
tech: go to your desktop
noob:whats my desktop?
tech: its the first thing you see when u start your computer
noob: well i dont have a computer


noob: it says windows has encountered an error, and it asks if i would like to report this issue
tech:so what can i help you with?
noob: well im calling you, so that i can report this error
tech:click

these are all calls that i have taken in tech support...ill post more as they come..lol

 

[MIK3daG33K]

You can use part of yoru hd as ram....Just crappy rappy slow virtual ram....

and 8MB video cards work fine for regualr computer users. I used to have ine on one of my older computers, then i upgraded it to a 16mb w00t.

Ya it used to happen with all of the old Windows 95 computers it was called "Hashing" by microsoft

 

[Xycron]

????